


Forever

by Donghanbejoyful



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Depression, Drug Use, JBJ mentions, Other, Overdose, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:41:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donghanbejoyful/pseuds/Donghanbejoyful
Summary: There’s only 5 things Taehyun wishes for.





	Forever

It was midnight and all he could see was a ceiling with a fan spinning around and around... never stopping and the light buzzing of it filling the silence of the room.

It was funny really, all he felt at the moment and still feeling so so empty...

It started off as a regular Friday night. Taehyun had just finished practicing in the dance studio with his HOTSHOT members. They all invited him to eat but he refused, which he noticed he was doing a lot of lately. He walked alone down the empty streets of Seoul. Covering his face with a black face mask and a beanie in case anyone recognized him. At least his hair was black again and wasn’t as eye catching as the red. 

He would look at the open shops and the mannequins posing. He would stand there for a moment and just stare. He’d think of his old friends, who would like what attire and who would ask him to buy it for him. He looked down at his feet and thought of Hyunbin. He’d look so handsome modeling these outfits... He was perfect. 

Taehyun continued walking the streets, smelling the different street foods and hearing his stomach grumble but he ignored it. He had to lose weight after all. It was difficult, he couldn’t eat enormous amounts of food like Donghan even if he tried. It would all gather on his face and gut. Donghan was so lucky. 

Taehyun arrived at his apartment, opening the door and turning on the light. He had his dorm with his HOTSHOT members but his company had filled in his bed for some trainee. So he had to get somewhere cheap to live in the meantime. It was a pig’s den if he was honest with himself. He had clothing scattered across the floor, dishes piling up and dust all over the book shelves. He wasn’t normally this messy, in fact this was extremely uncharacteristic of him, but he couldn’t bother. He just didn’t have the energy. 

He opened one of his kitchen cabinets to find out that his glasses were all dirty. Letting out a sigh he went to the pile and rinsed one of them. Not even sure what liquid it contained before he filled it up with ice. He headed towards his bedroom, which was as messy as the rest of the apartment, and sat down on his bed. He grabbed a single ice cube from his glass and slowly munched on it, it was a technique he learned from his trainee days. This way you trick your brain into thinking you ate something and you didn’t gain weight. 

Taehyun hasn’t had a solid meal in 2 days. 

After a while all the chewing tires your jaw out, so he put his cup of ice on his nightstand, laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. 

Of course, he couldn’t sleep.

Yongguk was really good about sleeping on command and not waking up for anything. He really was like a cat. Even if Taehyun would try and shake him awake it was a struggle. He wished he could sleep that easily.

Taehyun reaches for his nightstand and grabs a small ziplock bag. It had a couple of pills inside it and he shook them as he thought about taking them. Taedong had convinced him to stop during his time in Produce 101, but he got a craving again. And specially today, it was extremely difficult to listen to his guardian angel. He missed him dearly. 

Taehyun opened the bag and popped a pill. Turning over to his back and staring at the ceiling waiting for it to kick in. Here it all started. His limbs started to feel numb and he smiled softly. Oh this felt so so good... if he tried to move at all it felt like ants were crawling up his skin, it was so good. He chuckled at the tickling sensation all over. He also felt warm, like if someone had thrown two blankets on top of him. His body was feeling great, he wasn’t sore anymore, he wasn’t thinking about his members. About Sanggyun’s fit body and how Taehyun would never achieve those abs. Or about Kenta’s cuteness and no matter what he said fans still loved him and found him adorable. 

He always got the short end of the stick. Oh how jealous he was of all of them. 

Taehyun closed his eyes and shook his head. No no... no bad thoughts. He loved them all. He loved how successful they were, how they didn’t have to struggle for 4 years like he did. His bottom lip quivered. They didn’t have to go through multiple low-tiered events or hardly get any shares or likes on their tweets. They didn’t have to go through mistreatment of their whole company and other idols. 

Taehyun felt a wetness run down his cheeks. And of course the younger JBJ members didn’t have to go through being at each other’s necks, threatening to disband and even considering ending their careers because they couldn’t get popular enough. Taehyun covered his mouth, his breath hitching and heartbeat quickening. They didn’t have to suffer, and they never will. Taehyun will protect them. He’s going to make it better for them. 

Taehyun grabbed the ziplock bag again. 5 pills left. 

 

 

  1. Sanggyun and Kenta will be together forever. 
  2. Donghan and Yongguk will be successful soloists
  3. Taedong is going to quit his job and debut 
  4. Hyunbin is going to be happy... regardless if he chooses being an idol or being a model... he’s going to make it. 
  5. HOTSHOT will be so much more popular once Sungwoon comes back... 



 

They’re all going to be okay. They’re all going to be so much better off. 

 

He dropped the empty ziplock bag on the floor.

Everyone he loves will be better off, he’s going to protect them... He’s going to... take care of them....

 

 

Forever.


End file.
